It’s my birthday today.

While I’m sat here with the stars shining down on me from above, the sea is roaring in the darkness from afar.

In all my years, today is my first birthday alone. With no family. With no friends. With no beloved. The one day the universe dedicates solely to me. I’m here alone.

In the darkness it dawned on me, that I am alone. There isn’t anyone fussing around me. There isn’t anyone to hold my hand into another year of my life. There isn’t anyone that wants to walk into the next year of my life with me.

The waves can carry me away into nothing, and the sand can swallow me whole. It will still be my birthday and I will still be alone.

The cold can freeze me, and the water can fill my lungs and take me. It will still be my birthday and I will still be alone.

I can be unfounded, lost with no way back. It will still be my birthday and I will still be alone.

In the deepest realms of solidarity, my new mask – alone sits proudly on top of me. Nobody can hear the cries because the mask hides the tears. Not a soul can see the sadness, the mask conceals all. With a bagful of tricks, laughter and jokes, alone is now my mask that shows you everything you think you see.

It just isnt everything I think of me.

But somehow, I am okay with that.

Happy birthday Nm…

Love, Always

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  1. September 10, 2015 / 12:11 am

    Happy birthday to you!!!๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ‰

    September 10, 2015 / 12:51 am

    Happy birthday to you:-)

  3. September 10, 2015 / 1:14 am

    Dear lady, why are you alone on your birthday? Such a lonely, lonely thing.

    I am sending you roses, a bouquet of orange and jasmine branches, fresh almonds, perfume that you love…hugs, laughter, tears…happy birthday!

    • September 10, 2015 / 7:54 am

      Thank you so much my Laura. On days like today, being alone will make me harder โ™ก

      • September 10, 2015 / 6:44 pm

        My mother always told me I should “grow a thicker skin” because I was “too sensitive.” But being sensitive is what makes us so special. It’s what gives us the gift of perception, what makes us understand things that harder, tougher people miss out on. But it’s painful. Sometimes it feels like it’s impossible to bear. On those days, all we can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, telling ourselves that this won’t last forever. I remember my 21st birthday: no one came, no one called, my boyfriend didn’t even call or visit. What did I do? A terrible thing! I bought a bottle of whisky and drank almost the whole thing!!! Oh my, I felt terrible. I couldn’t sleep at all. In the morning a car drove up, and it was my parents! They brought a feast! Oh dear, I had to force myself to eat, and I felt terrible….and so foolish. But, it was an important lesson….even if they had not come, at least I learned to be kinder to myself…as you have here, by writing on your blog so that your friends could know and show you that you ARE loved.

  4. September 10, 2015 / 1:27 pm

    I can feel you.

  5. September 10, 2015 / 2:49 pm

    Dear Nm:
    Happy Birthday… I’m so sorry you are alone. I would share it with you if I could. It sounds like you are being tested and asked to be strong… and if there is one thing I have learnt about you from your blog, it is that you are a strong, tenacious and caring woman. All will work out in time.

    • September 10, 2015 / 2:53 pm

      That was a lovely wish, thank you James.
      It gives me great joy knowing my words are read and understood. That is a gift enough ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. September 10, 2015 / 3:59 pm

    Happy birthday….be amazing โค๏ธ

  7. September 10, 2015 / 4:09 pm

    Happy Birthday ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. September 10, 2015 / 10:17 pm

    Happy birthday! 9th or 10th? Mine was yesterday!

      • September 10, 2015 / 10:19 pm

        Hope you had a good day! You’re never alone when there are people who will miss you

  9. September 11, 2015 / 4:38 pm

    Happy birthday!! I wish everything in your life going to be more blessed, more meaningful, and all the beauty Allah can gift to His fellows.

    There is always something in a birthday that we celebrate with a solitude. It’s like a reminder that in the upcoming ages, the life gonna be more challenging somehow. So in order to survive, we have to be strong on our own.

    Have a good day, beautiful sista! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • September 19, 2015 / 10:52 pm

      Sorry it took me so long to see this message. Thank you so much โ™กโ™กโ™ก

  10. September 11, 2015 / 8:32 pm

    Happy Birthday…though belated. Have a great and fulfilling year!

  11. September 12, 2015 / 2:15 am

    Happy Birthday to you my dear. You are really special :). You have all year to celebrate it…so enjoy. My birthday just passed in August and I wrote a little poem on that day name Birthday Treat…that I want to share with you…you can check it out here

  12. September 12, 2015 / 3:43 am

    Happy Birthday to you! ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ€

  13. September 12, 2015 / 4:11 am

    Happy Birthday…have a wonderful

  14. September 12, 2015 / 12:34 pm

    Belated Happy Birthday! Sorry I’m late – I’m a bit behind in my reading (thanks a lot school :P).

    • September 20, 2015 / 7:41 am

      Thank you so much! The turtle always wins the race. You got round to it in the end and in glad ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. September 14, 2015 / 4:25 pm

    Happy Birthday! I recently followed your blog and if you’re interested I’d like to put you up to a poetry writing challenge, the details are in my latest post. Thanks!

  16. September 20, 2015 / 3:41 am

    Happy Birthday! I just wanted to say, you are not alone. ๐Ÿ™‚

    This video is for you…

    I hope this brings a big smile to your face.

    If you need to talk to – I’m here for you and to listen.


    P.S Hope to hear from you soon.

    • September 20, 2015 / 7:39 am

      How frigging cute is that video???? Wow thank you so much โ™กโ™กโ™ก

      • September 20, 2015 / 5:45 pm

        You are welcome. When I read your post. I thought about you and I was crying…You deserve all the happiness in the world.


  17. October 23, 2015 / 11:19 pm

    Happy belated birthday beautiful.

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