It’s my birthday today.
While I’m sat here with the stars shining down on me from above, the sea is roaring in the darkness from afar.
In all my years, today is my first birthday alone. With no family. With no friends. With no beloved. The one day the universe dedicates solely to me. I’m here alone.
In the darkness it dawned on me, that I am alone. There isn’t anyone fussing around me. There isn’t anyone to hold my hand into another year of my life. There isn’t anyone that wants to walk into the next year of my life with me.
The waves can carry me away into nothing, and the sand can swallow me whole. It will still be my birthday and I will still be alone.
The cold can freeze me, and the water can fill my lungs and take me. It will still be my birthday and I will still be alone.
I can be unfounded, lost with no way back. It will still be my birthday and I will still be alone.
In the deepest realms of solidarity, my new mask – alone sits proudly on top of me. Nobody can hear the cries because the mask hides the tears. Not a soul can see the sadness, the mask conceals all. With a bagful of tricks, laughter and jokes, alone is now my mask that shows you everything you think you see.
It just isnt everything I think of me.
But somehow, I am okay with that.
Happy birthday Nm…