What is change to you?
To me? Change evokes fear. It makes me feel vulnerable, change makes me feel lost. The sense of having no control over a situation due to its change puts me at great unease. I like knowing what is going to happen, I like predicting the end of a circumstance, and most of the time being right about it. But change isn’t just black and white, its grey. There never is a right or wrong time for change to happen, it doesn’t wait for my invitation as I’d like it to. It’s evitable, and the more I want to take the reins of my life into my hands, I’m faced with more change.
Can you tell change is something I come out on the battlefield to fight frequently? When I am put into these positions, I like to get lost, I mean literally. Just to drive far away into parts of a city I can get myself lost in. On this occasion, it was a forest. I’ve done country parks before, numerous times, I felt I could handle 6,000 acres of land with no problem.
As I kept walking, deeper into the forest I couldn’t help but feel a little anxious about making it back to my car before it started to get dark. It’s safe to assume that at this point I was actually lost. I didn’t however, want to remember this memory as being a bad one, so I just took a moment to take everything around me in.
I’d come to realise, I can’t keep fighting the inevitable. It’s a battle I’d never win because I don’t have the force to do so. In all forms and aspects I cannot prevent, or make a change. It isn’t in my power to do so. It doesn’t matter how many questions I may have, or the number of emotions I go through, I’ll either have to keep myself locked in the dark, or see it through what this change has to offer me.
After my little break of reflection, I continued walking. I had no idea where I was but at the same time I felt like I knew exactly where I was going. Before I knew it, I was back at my car, unharmed, alive, before it turned dark, I was back at my car. 6,000 acres of land, I could have faced the worlds worse obstacles, yet I made it to back to my car unscathed.
I’m never really lost. I drill myself into a dark hole and I make myself feel as though I’m lost and I don’t know what direction to go in, to find my way out. With time, I can say that I’ve always known the way out and that was to accept everything for what it really is.
Everything that happens, is chained with a reason. Every change I’m faced with, is bound with a lesson. Ultimately, I grow as a person when these lessons are learnt. Just as an arrow is pulled backwards before its launched to its mark, changes serve me with an opportunity to let life form me into the person I’m supposed to be and not the person I try to be.
With this will come loss, but I’ll gain a wealth of experiences. I don’t want to be in a position where I look back in 10 years and there has been no change to who I am as a person, my lifestyle, my way of thinking. I want to be a better version of the person I was yesterday, and I can’t even begin to do that if I let all the changes made to my life hold me back.
Lucky for me, I have the world greatest support system to get me through the mountains of hurdles I create for myself. The world feels like less of a battle to combat when you have people from your own little world to feud them with you
– “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”