The art of not giving a F#%K

I can openly admit that I’m the kind of person to care too much, and when you’re the type of person to care so much about “..Ooh what’s everyone going to think?” and “..I wonder what they’re saying over there?!” with a little bit of “..What if this person has this much to say?” and a whole load of “..What if this.. and what if that?” you drive yourself into a place that can be suffocating for nobody else but you.

Sometimes, I drive myself so far down this stifling tunnel of over caring, I start to second guess myself, and make excuses to not go ahead with thing that I know are right for me just because I care too much. I can sit in silence, but the sound of never ending racket of caring too much will bounce off the walls. So.. what do we do? We do nothing. We do absolutely nothing because we’re too worried about the next decision.

By doing nothing, I tell myself I’m avoiding hurting myself, I’m avoiding being judged, I’m avoiding being talked about and criticised. So doing nothing feels like the best thing TO do. However, by doing nothing, I’m left with the fears of my own thoughts, I’m left with the worry, the questions, the god forsaken “What ifs?”

How do I win? Where do I go, fall and die?  Where do I find the cure?

The magical answer to all of the above is to CARE LESS! I’m not going to paralyse myself with all these concerns, I am well and truly not going to give a single fuck.

So here’s to bringing my Salt & Pepper to the table! My 5 tips on how not to give a fuck!

autumn moments

Let’s all be real now. Let’s give ourselves a friendly newsflash, a polite reality check and remind ourselves that the world is filled to the brim with people who are nothing like you. Some will love the bones off your body, and other will hate the ground that you walk on. While some people you meet will think the sun shines out of your behind, the rest of them will want to shove something up your behind. It’s the way the world works; there is good and there is bad. You will have sour relationships, and you will have relationships that you take to the grave. Not every outcome will be what you expect, because the world isn’t black and white. The world is your canvas, that you paint with the colours of your rainbow. It’s your world, and that’s the beauty of it.

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Self affirmation is so important. In fact, we’ve been affirmed by the people who love us all our lives, by our parents, our friends and our families, we’ve been told by those who love and cherish us dearly that we’re amazing and that everything we touch turns to gold. The only problem with that is,  you start to expect affirmation from everyone, and that’s something you’ll be waiting forever for. That’s why you should talk to yourself, instead of hunting for assurance from other people. They say there is nothing like kind words to lift a broken spirit, how good do we feel when we hear that we’re beautiful? How proud are we of ourselves when our managers give us credit for our work? How successful do you feel when your teachers and mentors have told you you’ve passed! We should give that power to ourselves too. Tell yourself you’re amazing, and that the world is your oyster! Tell yourself you accept your flaws and you’re ready to work on them. Give yourself the reassurance you look for in other places.

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How many times have we been told to remember our worth. It’s the words I live by. It’s easy feeling victimised, and like the world is the problem. It’s easier to find the faults of your lover, or a boss who has treated you unfairly because we’d rather throw the blame card around anywhere besides our own back garden. We all like to play the innocent victim, who has the worse things happen to them; but when you stop to look a little closely at the problem, you’ll come to realise that in those situations and circumstances  you’re the common denominator. You’re allowing others to treat you so unfairly because you feel you don’t deserve more and by doing so you chip away at your self-esteem little by little until you have no confidence in yourself left. Self-esteem is the reflection we see of ourselves, outside influences shouldn’t ever have the power to shape you self-esteem.  Don’t you ever negotiate your self worth, you’ll end up giving the universe an excuse to treat you viciously.

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Sometimes we forget that we’re not the only person in the world. We live in a world where we spend so much time analysing ourselves. We can all admit there are times where we’ve been so self focused, self centered, and selfish that we forget that there are people out there who are in a worse position than us. What we’re going through is a small matter compared to what someone else is going through. Do something outside of yourself, focus outwardly because not only does it help distract you from the things you’re going through, it’s also rewarding helping someone else out other than yourself.

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Everyone is running their own race, everyone is springing around you, trying to get closer to their goal. Don’t look around at the other runners, and try to figure out how well they’re doing, or how fast they’re going. Don’t compare yourself to the other runners, because everyone is at a different pace, nobody is running the same race. So focus on YOU! Stay in your own lane, and keep you visions locked on your own goal. Don’t bother yourself with the concerns of how closer others are to their goals, or how distant you are to yours. You just keep running your race!

Love, Always

Nm.

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  1. July 12, 2016 / 9:50 pm

    Absolutely brilliant post! Thank you….! Great advice and keep going! :o) Best wishes JOHN.

    • July 12, 2016 / 9:52 pm

      Thank you so much! I intend to keep on going John!

  2. July 12, 2016 / 10:44 pm

    Love how you manage to put into words everything I used to feel when I used to care too much too! Learning to self care is so peaceful! Xx

  3. July 13, 2016 / 12:29 am

    I still struggle with this from time to time. Affirmations have helped me to keep a great deal. That and just realizing that ppl can be shitty because they feel shitty and I can’t let their crap rub off on me.

  4. July 13, 2016 / 1:22 am

    I really like this post. It’s a lot of “food for thought”.

  5. July 13, 2016 / 3:57 pm

    Oh my goooooosh!!! I am definitely the type of person who cares way more than one should and it’s horrible. I really love that you wrote this because I need to stop giving a f*ck more often. It’s hard to do it though, but it has to be done. I think the best tip was your “stay in your lane. I gotta stay focused on me and my goals like you say and then with time I won’t give a fuck, shit, or damn =P

    Danielle | http://www.followmygut.com <3

  6. July 13, 2016 / 5:18 pm

    Brilliant post! Absolutely you have to know where to draw the line with others and just be selfish.

    Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle

  7. July 13, 2016 / 6:30 pm

    The title of this post is so on point, and I want to give a fuck less! Thank you for writing a post that is so awesome and freeing! xx Adaleta Avdic

  8. July 13, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    I definitely had to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt! Sometimes it’s ok, but after a few times it’s just not worth the energy!

    Tori
    http://www.mooretori.com

  9. threeolivesbranch
    July 14, 2016 / 1:44 am

    Great list of ideas! Seriously something that I need to practice more as well!

  10. July 14, 2016 / 4:37 am

    My husband always says I care too much and take everything too personally. I definitely need to listen to him more to him…and you, apparently! 🙂

    • July 14, 2016 / 8:33 am

      Thank you! xxx

  11. July 14, 2016 / 8:31 am

    Wow I loved this!! It was so different- I love the layout of your blog and I love your style of writing. These are all amazing tips and all so true! I used to think like that SO MUCH when I was younger. Now I’m older and I don’t have those thoughts I’m so much happier. It’s a hard thing to stop doing, but when you do its just the best thing. Thanks for your tips lovely 🙂 xx

    Katie | http://kaleidoscopepeonies.blogspot.co.uk/

    • July 14, 2016 / 8:32 am

      Aww thank you Katie! I’m glad you’re in a more lighter and positive place! Thank you for stopping by my lovely! xxx

  12. July 14, 2016 / 9:24 am

    Thanks so much for this, I am saving it to come back to when I need a reminder 🙂

    • July 14, 2016 / 2:44 pm

      Thank you for passing by & having a read! X

  13. July 14, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    I LOVE this post!!

    • July 14, 2016 / 2:44 pm

      I LOVE YOU for having a read of it! X

  14. July 14, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    Great post…it really made me think. I work in a very toxic environment and I have let people there shape my self esteem and I know that I shouldn’t. I love your comment that we shouldn’t negotiate our self worth!!! I have been spending a lot of time with people who “fill my bucket” and I have felt so much better about myself. I really do need to care less about what others think…thank you.

    • July 14, 2016 / 2:44 pm

      You do! And the sooner the better because nobody else has the right to mould your esteem over YOU! You keep going Kim! X

  15. lastchance3
    July 14, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    A much needed post for me! I have a tendency to care too much, especially when it’s time to let go.

    • July 14, 2016 / 2:45 pm

      That’s the worst time, but it helps you grow into the person that you’re supposed to be.. You keep trying to get there! X

  16. July 14, 2016 / 12:53 pm

    Great points! We all need a little dose of reality check form time to time, for sure.

    • July 14, 2016 / 2:45 pm

      Thank you! Yes we do, Amen to that sister! X

  17. July 14, 2016 / 2:40 pm

    Hi sensei. Please teach us more . This is an awesome post . You really made my day

    • July 14, 2016 / 2:46 pm

      Thank you for reading! As soon as I learn I will begin teaching lol! X

  18. July 14, 2016 / 4:21 pm

    Love this post!!

    I am so fed up of worrying what others think. You can’t please everyone, can you. Now I always think, what is worse than being talked about. Not being talked about..hehe 🙂

    • July 14, 2016 / 4:56 pm

      LOOOL that’s a good way of putting it! X

  19. July 14, 2016 / 4:25 pm

    Brilliant post! Thanks for sharing it!! Amazing advice. You really inspired us 🙂

    • July 14, 2016 / 4:56 pm

      Thank you passing by and reading! X

  20. July 14, 2016 / 5:01 pm

    Thank you for this, it’s a really positive and useful post 🙂 I think we all need this kind of boost from time to time.

  21. July 14, 2016 / 8:55 pm

    Useful tips! Must remember this when the crazy-woman who lives inside me starts buzzing away in my ear 😉

  22. July 14, 2016 / 9:42 pm

    Love this! Such a positive post and a real kick up the backside too as we all need to think like this.

  23. July 15, 2016 / 2:26 am

    Love this! Sometimes you just have to throw your hands up!

  24. July 15, 2016 / 6:29 am

    I love this post and I agree with your views. Actually, one of my favourite books also share a similar perspective. I wrote a small summary about it in my blog, in case you want to have look: http://www.wha2wear.com/life-changing-book/ xx

  25. July 15, 2016 / 8:52 am

    This is something I battle a lot with – caring about what others think of me. Even if I don’t care about those people. It’s ridiculous. We should be confident and proud of everything we do, say and are.

  26. July 15, 2016 / 9:23 am

    It’s always easier said than done, but if you can get through life not caring what others think, you’ll always be better for it!

  27. July 15, 2016 / 11:00 am

    I love the honesty!

  28. July 15, 2016 / 11:27 am

    Great post and definitely something I can relate to. I spend too much of my time worrying about what others think and need to give this advice ago.

  29. July 15, 2016 / 1:08 pm

    Great advice! Not giving a fuck can be hard, but it’s so important to not let negative comments get to you!

  30. July 15, 2016 / 2:41 pm

    There’s not I single thing that I do not agree in this post. How are you able to put all these things into text? I feel exactly how you do but I can never put what I feel into words. Thanks for this post, it’s very inspiring and is some sort of my wake up call.

  31. July 15, 2016 / 4:37 pm

    Oh how I can relate to this. And I have to constantly remind myself of this too. Even if I consider myself confident and outgoing I often find myself speculating in what shit other people “probably” think of me… why they don’t reply. How they probably don’t want me there… and then I stop and think “what am I doing? Why am I treating myself like this?” And reading something like this is such a good reminder to just be cool and let people do their thing and let you do yours. If they care, and want to be negative let them. But never do anything other than love yourself, then you’ll win! Thank you! xx Maya

  32. July 15, 2016 / 7:34 pm

    What a great motivational piece, I really need to stop worrying about what others think all the time x

  33. July 15, 2016 / 10:56 pm

    Love this post! I think self improvement is so important. I learnt not to give a fuck about what others think ages ago but noticed there’s an area I now struggle with (public vlogging) that I’m trying to overcome as want to start pursuing it as a hobby but it’s so difficult to get over things sometimes! Definitely need to remember just to focus on yourself and not everybody else! xo

  34. July 16, 2016 / 9:31 am

    Very well written, I completely agree with you. People should focus on their own lives and not what is going on around them

  35. July 16, 2016 / 9:47 pm

    Like you, I started living this life giving way too much fucks about what other people thought of me. It’s only when I reached my early 30s that I started caring less because thinking about other people’s opinions never made me happy. In fact, it made me miserable. But at the end of the end, the other people were also afraid of somebody else’s judgment, so really it’s a vicious cycle and counterproductive at that.

    It is only when we learn to just do our thing regardless of what other people think that we begin to enjoy life.

  36. Chel
    July 17, 2016 / 1:24 pm

    So much yes and head nodding going on here. I agree with every part of this post. This is actually my goal to not let myself be bothered by what others may or may not be thinking about me. Thanks for some good pointers. Especially the last one – staying in your own lane.

    Keeping the eyes on your own goal and not what everyone else around you is doing is critical… even for blogging. I need to remember this. Thank you.

  37. July 17, 2016 / 3:07 pm

    Though I care less about other stuff, some still affect me. I hope that by reading your post will help live better. 😀

  38. July 17, 2016 / 3:30 pm

    Loved this post and one of my favourite phrases right now is “No fcuks given” x

  39. VaiChin
    July 18, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    I so needed this right now! Thank you for such an uplifting post.

  40. July 18, 2016 / 11:18 pm

    Great advice, by learning and applying those 5 simple principles in this article. I will become more valuable virtually every phase of my life.

  41. ventureandeat
    July 19, 2016 / 1:37 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this. I really needed this at this point in my life and career. It reminds me of the quote, “Don’t be careless, just care less.”

    http://www.ventureandeat.com

    • July 20, 2016 / 2:52 pm

      You’re so welcome! Thank you for reading! X

  42. July 19, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    I used to care WAY too much and yet the older I get the less I care!! I think it’s important to not give a f*ck sometimes!!!

    • July 20, 2016 / 2:50 pm

      I’ve been there &I done that !

  43. Kerry Norris
    July 19, 2016 / 8:32 pm

    I defo struggle with this but I know I need to care more for myself than others now. Great advice which will help me

    • July 20, 2016 / 2:50 pm

      You’re welcome!

  44. July 21, 2016 / 10:12 am

    Haa haa – this is something I have learned over time!

  45. July 24, 2016 / 7:23 pm

    Love them all, but , number 2 is important i my life right now.

  46. August 16, 2016 / 12:27 am

    i love the simplicity that this post brings froth about aspects of caring for someone who doesn’t even remotely know that one cares for them.

    theotherrandomguy.wordpress.com

  47. October 2, 2016 / 11:13 am

    These are thoughts really worth remembering. Thank you for reminding me of these. I am usually the kind of person that gives so many damn about so many things, but that was before. When I learned how to handle myself and how to distinguish the people I should really care about, I found out that it’s okay to care less, too. 🙂

  48. February 17, 2017 / 2:54 pm

    I can definitely relate to this!

    I’m gonna try and take a leaf out of your book in the future, it’s so difficult to care less when it’s in your nature 🙈

    http://www.hollybellamy.co.uk

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