He’s Just Not That Into You

Us women, we have killer instinct. Being right is like second nature to us. Sometimes, I practically feel psychic because I can always judge a situation and guess it’s outcome even before it happens. You can have your whole life under your thumb, everything you touch is successful. But every superhero has it’s kryptonite, and as much as it saddens me to admit, for a lot of women that weakness is MEN! As much as we’d love to be perfectionists, we’re not, and most of the time we find ourselves going wrong with men.

Can you believe? 

The SHOCK! The HORROR!

No seriously; men have the ability to dismantle the securest of minds, and even the strongest of women have fallen prey to a man whose not interested in them, or if he is interested he isn’t interested in committing to you.

Many women, on some level, given the chance, feel that they can change a man into the kind of man they want them to be. Warning signs are often overlooked because they’ve started to genuinely like this person, or because they feel inspired to save the troubled boy, who is confused about his emotions, lost, and not sure about any decision he makes. Women are always searching for the purpose of their existence, and more times than less, men feel that purpose is to serve them. If he isn’t interested in a commitment from you, he’ll allow you to continue serving him, because he won’t be losing out on anything.

While you’ve started building white picket fences, contemplated which way you’ll hang the washing line, and what colour you’ll paint your front door together; he’s lost interest. One morning you wake up and it isn’t the same. There aren’t any messages to wake up to wishing you good morning.

“..Let me quickly send him one” you tell yourself, as you reach for your phone.

No reply.

..”Let me give him a quick call” you notify yourself, as you open up his Facebook profile.

No answer.

“..I’ll leave him a voicemail message” you decide while trying to hack into his Hotmail account.

No callback.

“..I’ll just take a trip to his house,” you say as you go to grab your keys and your coat.

NO WAIT! STOP! PLEASE STOP!

Before you do something you’ll forever remember as the actions you should have NEVER taken, you need to figure out if this person you’re about to lash out on and put on a performance for is interested in you.

Here’re 5 signs that determine he’s just not that into you!

-To have and keep in one's grasp- held the reins tightly.

It’s all fine and dandy when you like that person and want to know everything you possibly can about them. It gets a little strange when that person doesn’t take the same interest in you. If they don’t want to know about all your details or hear about all the stories you’ve stored in your memory box then he isn’t really concerned about you. If he was, he’d be curious about you and your life, the person you were before the two of you met, the scars on your heart, how they got there, the truth in your eyes, then all you’re left with is a physical attraction. When you meet the man that has the power to look beyond his own walls, so that he can study the flowers in your garden, you’ll know about it. He’ll want to revise you until you’ve got nothing left to say about yourself. If you’ve found yourself tied to a person who constantly talks about themselves, their work, hobbies, sports, and achievements, then it’s safe to say that they’re not interested in you, or your life. It isn’t your duty to listen to someone else boost their own ego; a conversation is a dialogue, not a Kings speech!

-To have and keep in one's grasp- held the reins tightly. (2).jpg

It’s getting a little weird when you’ve seen your doctor more times you have your partner! You’ve started putting off your next appointment just to avoid the “..How’s the fella! You seen him yet” conversation you nurse insists on having with you every time you see her.

If you’re seeing little to nothing of the person you’re in a ‘relationship’ with then it safe to say that’s because he doesn’t want to see you. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. If he can’t get enough of you, nothing will keep him away! He’ll want to be around you all the time, create new memories with you, take you on adventures, be the reason behind your smile because you are the source of their happiness. It’s a mutual ground you both stand on to keep the relationship balanced. You haven’t signed yourself up for a part-time commitment, or a full-time virtual one. If you are a priority to  your partner, they will gift you with their time since time is the most precious gift. If not, then you need to stop wasting your own time, and there is not time like the present!

-To have and keep in one's grasp- held the reins tightly. (3).jpg

Your partner becomes part of your circle, you invite him into your little world, a world you’ve adorned with your life and decorated with your highs and your lows. They become part of your every day, they’re a part of your routine. Eventually, your lives get entwined as you both begin to see each other as one force. If he suddenly starts to disappear for days, and you start to hear from him less then you can consider yourself as being irrelevant. Are you so easily forgotten that the person you’re in a relationship with can’t find a single second in the day to check up to see how you are? If that be the case, you should offer that person nothing less than your absence. Again, not hearing from him for days proves that you’re not a priority to him, especially in this day and age, when we’re known as the generation of the technologists, where you can communicate with a person who lives on the other side of the world to you, just by using your phone. It’s been made so easy for us to stay in touch with our loved ones, and if you’re not hearing from him, it isn’t because the owl lost your letter on his journey to you, it’s because he’s choosing not to. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, and he should be making what he can of today. If he ignores the blessings of the moments the present offers, you should leave him no room in your future.

-To have and keep in one's grasp- held the reins tightly. (4).jpg

When you want to make an emotional investment with someone, you start to share parts of your life with this person. If they’re reliable you begin to trust them, and they are the foundations any successful relationship is built on. If you find your partner talking about everything under the sun, but shies away from talking about his feelings, then he isn’t emotionally connected to you.

Two people grow together when you help support one another through the darkness and aid one another in finding the light when one struggles to see it. If he’s withdrawing from you emotionally then he isn’t seeking a connection from you. If he has an excuse for his behaviour, or always finds a way to justify himself when questioned then he’s just looking for the easy route in, and the easiest route out. If you feel comfortable being brushed underneath the carpet with the rest of the dust and dirt then you settle right there and befriend the insects living under there!

-To have and keep in one's grasp- held the reins tightly. (5).jpg

They’re all good guys at the start, they say all the right things, and have us believing butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths! You’re a wise woman if you pay more attention to his actions, more than you do his words. If you start to see a pattern, where his sweet and crumbly words don’t match his actions then he isn’t trustworthy. Promises will go broken, and you’ll set yourself up for disappointment. Words are empty, they need to be filled with actions, one doesn’t work without the other.  A man is a sum of his actions, he is control of his life, and the actions he chooses defines him. If he isn’t choosing to show you he’s interested, he is not interested. You don’t need to be a mind-reader to figure that one out, he’s shouting it at you through his actions!

It’s a woman’s world, and today’s women go after everything they want. If we want something, we’ll chase it, until it is ours – men too right?

WRONG!

Men are born hunters, by nature. If they want you, they will pursue you until you are theirs, for keeps. That means you don’t have to change the colour of your spots, alter your interests, you hobbies, your likes and your dislikes, to match those of another. A man who wants you will see you for your own greatness. Men will go in hard for anything that they want, if he isn’t going in hard for you, you’re not what he wants. So you don’t need to do any chasing. You do nothing. Live your life everyday as though it’s your last. You’re not defined by someone else, you can go on your own adventures and paint your own memories. Let him watch you have the best time of your life.

Love, Always

Nm♡

 

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  1. July 24, 2016 / 2:44 pm

    Absolutely fantastic post!! Absolutely loved everything about it!

    • July 24, 2016 / 2:52 pm

      Thank YOU!! X

  2. July 24, 2016 / 3:23 pm

    Nice, especially, the last paragraph i read that twice.

  3. July 24, 2016 / 4:02 pm

    Girl you are my new best friend. I said the same things a few days ago. A facebook post I made last week urged women to stop fighting men’s battles by harassing other women for their “men”. Thanks for this post! They either want you or they don’t. Either way you will know

    • July 24, 2016 / 4:14 pm

      Amen to that Sistaaaah! X

    • July 24, 2016 / 4:21 pm

      Thank you for reading!

  4. July 24, 2016 / 4:32 pm

    I had a relationship once where I had to cut it short. Not only was he probably not ‘that’ into me, I was definitely not ‘that’ in to him. We’d go days without speaking. And then, the true realization was when I had something significantly negative happen to me, and he was the last person I called to notify. Um…that was telling right there, and I ended it that same day.

  5. July 24, 2016 / 5:25 pm

    Very interesting!! Thanks for the advice and tips from your experiences. xx, snappedbygracie.com

  6. Maintaining Me
    July 24, 2016 / 5:34 pm

    I always tell young girls that you will most likely not be able to change him!

  7. Jen m
    July 24, 2016 / 6:44 pm

    loved reading this!

  8. July 24, 2016 / 6:48 pm

    Thanks for such an amazing post – very inspirational. There’s a lot I can take away from the post, especially #1 & #5 sometimes!

    Sophie – eselle x

  9. July 24, 2016 / 6:49 pm

    Amen to that sista!
    So much wasted time is spent on people whom are truly interested in you! Definitely not worth it xo

  10. July 24, 2016 / 7:31 pm

    Great post!! Spot on. I know what you mean about knowing if someone is into you. I remember letting my husband chaseafter me, lol. 24 years ago now!! :):)

  11. July 24, 2016 / 8:27 pm

    Wow, I love this! I remember when I used to be head over heels for a guy who lead me on for a long time. It took me awhile to understand the reasons you mentioned up above and to decipher between wanting a friendship vs. pursuing something more. And you’re absolutely right. I am now married and my husband didn’t stop until he had me. I was dating at the time too! When a guy is interested, you’ll know. Loved this post! 🙂

  12. xoxokleeblog
    July 24, 2016 / 8:28 pm

    So much truth here!!!

  13. Maelonni @ Adventures of Maelonni
    July 24, 2016 / 11:51 pm

    this is so true I love this post! These are greats signs I’ve seen myself and with my friends. Don’t waste your time if you see these signs

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:11 pm

      Absolutely right! Thank you for reading! X

  14. July 25, 2016 / 12:10 am

    PREACH! I wish all women could just see their true worth and stop pursuing men that don’t deserve them.

  15. July 25, 2016 / 2:47 am

    Love love love this post. I have a friend who we always tell these things too but she never listens. I agree men are hunters and with my current partner (and father of my kids) I let him do the chasing and although hard totally worth it. Xx

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:10 pm

      Thank thank thank YOU!! You’ve got yourself a good’un so long he keeps chasing!!

  16. July 25, 2016 / 3:20 am

    Love this! Everything is so true. Too many women fall into the trap of trying to shape themselves to fit what a guy wants rather than simply being themselves and waiting for the right guy who appreciate them.

  17. July 25, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    Love this such a true post these are signs that I can relate to

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:10 pm

      Thank you!

  18. July 25, 2016 / 12:24 pm

    Women really hope for a lot of things out of guys. If he shows these signs when you guys are not in a relationship, it’s better to move on. But within a relationship, you really have to be more graceful. That maybe they are going through things on their own and withdrawing into their man-caves.

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:10 pm

      Amen to that!

  19. July 25, 2016 / 1:46 pm

    Yes. Just yes to everything. I tried dating one of those guys you described in 1-5… he was just not that into me… but he just didn’t want anyone else to have me either. But one day I found a great guy, and he didn’t have any of those qualities. Instead he bought a ring and made me his wife. So ladies.. if you’re with one of those guys described in 1-5, say bye bye and go find one who really is into you! 🙂

  20. July 25, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    So true. Thank goodness though, I’m all over that now. I absolutely hated mind-games when I was single and dating. That to me is a sure sign that this person is just wasting your time 🙂

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:10 pm

      I’m glad you’re happy and away from the nonsense! Good on you! X

  21. Ana Bazquez
    July 25, 2016 / 2:52 pm

    Great post! Glad i dont have to go thru the dating scene right now haha but all of these are great tips for my single lady friends ♡

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:11 pm

      Looool good on you! Be sure to share it with all your single ladies! X

  22. July 25, 2016 / 4:14 pm

    ah this is so true.. I know someone who do such thing for a guy that she truly adore despite of the fact that she know that this guy expresses no interest to her.. If i can really just hit her with stone to make her realize everything haha (just kidding).. I mean, really, for me love is a give and take relationship right?.. the feeling should always be mutual.. if a guy doesn’t love you back, then he is not deserving for you at all (and vice versa)

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:09 pm

      You’re right in saying its mutual, it can never be one sided. Some people can only be advised and not helped because they want to be helped.. I suppose your friend will learn in time X

  23. July 25, 2016 / 5:01 pm

    As a guy, I would totally agree with all your points. Especially the last part where you mention that men are hunters and we want to pursue women and not the other way around. Of course, we can turn the table around and make all those 5 signs to determine if She’s just not that into you. Right?

    http://thetopknotters.com

  24. July 25, 2016 / 5:20 pm

    I agree with all your points. And this is pretty helpful for ladies who still haven’t honed their killer instinct 🙂

    I just want to share that for me I only tried committing once based on instinct and we’re still together now. We’ve matured together and now, we’re both blogging together. All this happened because I let him pursue me instead of me pursuing or serving him. Men do prefer women who can be independent and has a life with/without him. -Me-An Clemente of http://yogoandcream.com

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:08 pm

      I’m so happy for you! You’ve got yourself a good’un there! I’ll have to check the two of you guys out!!

  25. July 25, 2016 / 7:04 pm

    I agree on the 5 points. And it’s both ways I think. For all 5 points. I think deep down you’ll know if it’s right or wrong. You have to know what you want and expect from someone. And then see if everything feels right.

  26. July 25, 2016 / 7:24 pm

    This is so stinkin true! Difficult to swallow sometimes, but so true and it makes our lives so much easier!

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:07 pm

      LOOOL it bloody well stinkin is! Thank you for reading! <3

  27. July 25, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    haaa I might print parts of this off and leave it on the fridge for my hubby lol x

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:07 pm

      Loooool I like the sound of that Hah!!

  28. July 25, 2016 / 8:45 pm

    Great points! It can be so hard to resist sending him the message, calling him, etc… but it’s important for girls to remember to let him chase her!! 🙂

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:07 pm

      It is important! You gotta grit your teeth and get on with it sister!

  29. July 25, 2016 / 8:51 pm

    I think that girls should not pursue a guy and embarrass themselves by doing stupid things just to catch his attention. If he doesn’t like you, no matter what you do, you won’t change his feelings towards you

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:12 pm

      And it’s as simple as that Joanna! There should be more of us out there!!

  30. July 25, 2016 / 9:53 pm

    This post hit the nail on the head. Men will go after what they truly want and we women need to know that.

    • July 25, 2016 / 10:12 pm

      Yes they do! Thank you for reading! X

  31. July 26, 2016 / 4:10 am

    Oh yeah. The emotionally distant dude freaks me out.

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:20 pm

      Thank you so much 🙂

  32. July 26, 2016 / 7:47 am

    “Women are meant to be pursued.”
    That is how it is and how it should be. Additionally, it is a man’s responsibility to take accountability when he makes a woman fall in love with him. I deter the idea that it’s the woman’s fault for falling in love with a guy that did absolutely nothing or is innocent in making a girl fall in love with him. Men should guard women’s heart in a way to stop awakening unnecessary feelings for them.
    If a guy does not have any intention of courting a woman, then by all means a man must stop the special treatment he is giving the woman and by far should own up to what he did.
    As a woman, we should guard our hearts from these deceptive emotions, for if not, your will easily find yourself hurt and even felt used.

  33. July 26, 2016 / 9:43 am

    interesting read thanks for the tips (will remember them if i ever need them for the future) 🙂

  34. July 26, 2016 / 9:56 am

    I really think that women has that instinct. I’ve also noticed that several times in my life. And mostly, whatever I’m feeling is usually correct. I guess it’s a gift to us..

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:20 pm

      It is a gift, it sounds crazy but my mother gets dreams and all sorts!

  35. lalainemanalo
    July 26, 2016 / 11:31 am

    I couldn’t agree more! You’ll definitely know if a guy is not into you. But sadly, the heart rationalizes what the mind sees oh so clearly

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:19 pm

      Always and forever will!

  36. July 26, 2016 / 11:44 am

    Awesome post! I remember it being so easy with my husband, never having to wait for a call or text he did all the chasing, before that im guilty of waiting around for texts, calls why do that to ourselves! Seems crazy looking back.

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:18 pm

      LOOOL I’m glad that it all worked out for you in he end! That’s all that matters! Xx

  37. July 26, 2016 / 12:14 pm

    Some women find it so hard to understand that someone may just not be into them. I have one friend who gets very upset when a guy starts ignoring her, need to send her this post!

  38. Jasmin N
    July 26, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    Great post! Although I can’t agree with the ‘fact’ that men are womens weakness – they’re if you let them be.

    <3: Jasmin N
    littlethingswithjassy.blogspot.fi

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:18 pm

      Precisely! Thank you so much for reading!

  39. nirvashna
    July 26, 2016 / 3:08 pm

    A really good read!

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:18 pm

      Thank you so much!

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:17 pm

      Thank you!!

  40. Anonymous
    July 26, 2016 / 6:07 pm

    Great post, all very true and I do think we all need a reminder sometimes

    • July 26, 2016 / 6:20 pm

      Thank you! Yes we do! 🙂

  41. July 26, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    So true and completely spot on. I think we al change for someone, whether it’s for your parents, friends or for your kids but I think, like you said, you can change yourself for a bit but don’t go banking on changing anyone else!

  42. July 26, 2016 / 6:54 pm

    Ooooh preach! It’s true that we shouldn’t compromise our personalities just to get the person we want. It really shouldn’t take long for someone to realize whether a person is interested in you or not. I believe most girls got that instinct, some just choose to live in denial 😉

  43. July 26, 2016 / 10:12 pm

    I kind of wish I had this to read when i was dating so many troubled guys because they were clearly after one thing and I was too naive to know it. Its hard to tell sometimes.

  44. July 27, 2016 / 2:07 am

    I like this! girls should read this…. this are a warning sign! hahahah

  45. Lauren
    July 27, 2016 / 4:56 am

    Very detailed post. You’re a good writer. Also I love your about the author page.

  46. Alina
    July 27, 2016 / 5:44 am

    That’s very true, although you don’t want to seem distant yourself you must always give them space, after all, they’re another person with their own friends and interests. Really loving the style of your post and vintage photos 🙂

  47. July 27, 2016 / 10:37 am

    Fab post, I need to share this with a few lf my friends x

  48. July 27, 2016 / 12:02 pm

    It took me a long time to learn my lesson and you are so right about men being hunters – wish I had learned my lesson earlier

  49. July 27, 2016 / 2:37 pm

    I agree here! Based on experience this is true! If someone doesn’t give you time. Believe me m. He is not into you. Whenever I’m in this kind of situation. I immediately stop while we are still on dating stage.

  50. July 27, 2016 / 4:54 pm

    Men are born hunters, you are right if they want you they will pursue with everything they have! Great advice 🙂

  51. July 29, 2016 / 8:42 pm

    I’ve been there.. If only I realised it earlier. Well, at least I hope I learnt from my mistakes.
    Fabulous post!

  52. August 2, 2016 / 6:24 am

    Perfect! Consider it a blessing when your sixth sense wakes up to help you see the truth. Goodbye, Mr.! 😀

  53. August 8, 2016 / 11:49 am

    This is all so true and is happening to me – this line stood out – “Warning signs are often overlooked because they’ve started to genuinely like this person, or because they feel inspired to save the troubled boy, who is confused about his emotions, lost, and not sure about any decision he makes.” Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!

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