6 Lessons You Learn In Difficult Times

Writing has always been my greatest outlet. When the traffic lights in my head refuse to turn red, I turn to writing. I pluck through every little emotion and comb through every feeling as I watch my thoughts come to life in black and white. So here I am, back to doing what I love most. Channelling my thinking through my writing!

I’ve recently fallen on hard times, and I’m not ashamed to admit that the last several months have been really tough for me. Without getting into the gory details of the tragedy I now call my life since taking the title of Queen of Tragedies; sometime’s it would get so bad that I would forget who I am, or fail to even recognise myself.

I can’t turn to writing when I’m vulnerable. I could never write in the midst of the chaos. I let the dust settle, I analyse the situation, I learn my lessons and then I turn to writing. I aim to always send out a positive message, so my writing too must come from a positive place, when I’m bursting with positivity, writing from a positive mindset… Have I said the word positive enough yet?

Although the dust is yet to settle in my little world, I have learnt enough lessons I’ll value for having to learn the hard way. While I’ve made a mental note of these lessons for eternity, I have also accumulated 6 lessons you’ll only learn in difficult times to share with all my other Tragedy Queens of the world!

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There are times when things go wrong in life. Most of us try to escape the destruction of our worlds when it all comes crashing down  by denying truths life presents to us as a form of ruin. In the midst of our denial we fail to see that, a problem only occurs when something is not right. It is that simple! The problem, the havoc, the mayhem in your life will reoccur until you wrong your all your rights, cross all your t’s and dot all  of your i’s!

“I got fired, my manager always had a thing against me!”

“I didn’t get the job, the interviewer was racist!”

“He left me, I was always too good for him!”

“We’re not friends anymore, she only comes to me when it’s convenient for her”

the list goes on and on..

We’d all rather blame the winds for the wreckage of our journey, than the captain, who is, in fact, responsible for the direction the ship is to go in. Instead of blaming external circumstances for unfortunate life events, take a look at yourself first.

Can you change the way you live so that your life situation can be improved?

When you blame others for what you’re going through you deny responsibility for it completely – surrendering power over that part of your life. The second you stop making others accountable for your happiness, the happier you’ll feel. If you’re unhappy that’s not someone else’s fault.

Take control of your present circumstance, think for yourself, and make firm choices to choose differently. You are the hero of your world, NOT THE VICTIM!

There is a light inside of your soul; a light you’re refusing to let shine the way out of your darkness by failing to accept that it is YOU that’s the problem. Change yourself first before trying to change others. Everyone always thinks about changing the world, but never of changing themselves.

Do something for someone other than yourself. Help someone who isn’t you, be a good influence and be kind to others. Wish people only the best, look beyond your own walls and be of use to someone that isn’t you. The world will bring you back the same relief. Give, and watch it come back to you in another form.

“If you’re going to make a change, operate from a new belief that says, life happens not to me but for me” – Tiony Robbins

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Difficult times leave you with an everlasting bitter taste in your mouth. They’re remembered because they leave an impression. They make massive amendments to your life, they end up changing the way we view our lives. Surviving hardship gives you  a better understanding of what hardship really is. You will look back on things you once used o take for granted and be more thankful for them. A new and deep gratitude for your life comes with being a survivor of the worst.

I say, survivor, because that’s exactly who we are. When we’re going through tough times it becomes really difficult to spot the good that exists amidst our troubles. It takes a disciplined, a diligent person to watch themselves with the most sedulous care so that they don’t succumb to making any excuses for themselves.

When you express gratitude, you open up a gateway for abundance; while it’s hard to be grateful for things when all we can do is worry and stress, gratitude is the quickest pathway to a more worry-free life. It helps clear the mind of mental clutter by getting rid of the cloud of negativity that prevents a clearer vision of reality. It reignites hope, it keeps you grounded, it helps you feel positive, and receptive especially during trying times.

In the midst of your emotional mayhem, taking a moment to sow seeds of appreciation helps to create a sense of encouragement and calm when you need it the most. When you acknowledge the people and things in your life as being helpful and appreciated, it can put things back into perspective again and help bring you back to a more centred and mindful space.

Some days will be harder than others, and feeling optimist is the last thing you’ll want to do, or feel good about. Being grateful is the best reminder to yourself that there are people supporting you, people who love and care for you. They stand as cheerleaders to assist you through the worst times in your life, just so you don’t have to face them by yourself. It’s important to recognise and honour them.

When you manage to find your way out of your own despair, you gain a deeper sense of appreciation, a sensitivity, a broader perspective of life that was a stranger to your before.  An understanding that will eventually bring you compassion and deep loving wisdom.

There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. Being optimistic during pessimistic times is not naive; it’s a sign of great strength. Be thankful for all the tiny things in your life, because when you put them all together you’ll see how significant they all are. Be happy for it isn’t happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy.

“Let us be grateful to those who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom” – Marcel Proust

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We bury our feelings so artfully. We hide from the state of our emotions, of our own truth, because many of us are afraid of ourselves. Your emotions aren’t going anywhere. They will stay with you until you understand them and learn to live with them in peace.

That too includes pain. I’ve been taught from a very young age that the root cause of pain is evil and that pain is harmful to me as well as my health. I was told to avoid pain at all costs from the books that I read, the movies that I watched, by my teachers at school.

What we fail to see is that we’ll never be able to deal with real life without feeling what you need to feel at the time that you need to feel it. That would have been a mouthful!

You need to feel pain. Just as you need to feel alive and loved. Pain awakens you, it’s an 11th sense that carries you forward when you feel dead inside. An indication to your brain to remain strong because you can only learn how strong you are when being strong is the once choice you have.

Your right to feel pain should be stood up for – endure it. Own your own scars as you grow into the powerful, wisest and most truest version of yourself.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyse you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are” – Bernice Johnson Reagon

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I like to think of myself as being a woman of self-sufficiency and independence. It may come as no surprise that because of this asking for help doesn’t come naturally to me. Seeking help makes me feel weak as it undermines my independence and my ability to cope. It is not unknown that I battle with fears of rejection; asking for help puts me in a state of venerability.

It has been ingrained in me from an early age, to be confident, strong and independent. Over the years I’ve interpreted this guidance as assuming having the opposite traits is a bad thing. Asking for help would make me dependent, weak and uncertain of what to do as though I’m not good enough to have all the forces in my life under control.

“Asking for help is a sign of weakness, I can do it myself”

“If I ask for help I’ll lose control of the situation”

“I can’t ask for help, I’m just burdening them with more problems”

“They won’t have the time or resources to help me, I can deal with it myself”

We usually talk ourselves out of getting the help we need, instead, we overcompensate for tasks that end up exhausting our abilities and energies.

Living in a society where we’re more or less consciously told that unless you take care of yourself, no one will. You have the power over your own future; unless you do it yourself you didn’t deserve it.  We’ve almost been conditioned not to ask for help; and until I did so I would never have learnt that I took pride in being self-sufficient.

I can’t draw any moral strength from being proud.

It takes guts to ask for help. As well as swallowing your pride, showing that you are a perfectly imperfect human, trying to solve the problem at hand, asking for help is about opening up and sharing. It deepens the bonds you have with the other person; as showing your vulnerability helps build a form of trust.

I’ll get comfortable with my vulnerability as I grow as a person. The first step I’ve made to that growth is asking for the help I need.

“The only mistake you can make is not asking for help” – Sandeep Jauhar

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No matter where you are in life, how far you’ve come from an older self, how far you’re trying to go to discover a better you; one thing you’re unable to escape is the impact people have on your life. In order to get yourself into a positive mindset, it’s important your surroundings are positive first.

There are those who suck out the happiness from your soul, to fuel their relentless hunger for negativity. These types of people will eventually leave you drained, exhausted and unhappy. I like to call them soul parasites.

Then there are those who face every day of their life with spirit. Those who know how to nurture and create their own happiness, and share it freely. They see the world differently because they don’t waste their time and energy complaining. When you surround yourself with the likes of these people you too are forced to see the world differently. You’ll feel your spirits lift when around someone who is able to see the good in things.

The greatest way to connect with others is by sharing laughter. You get hauled into the good humour and fun you can’t help but feel the greatest peace of mind and will.

The beauty of the relation friendship is that friends choose to be in your life. On the other hand, they can choose to not be in your life too. In difficult times you’ll witness your circle shrink. You will lose friends, it inevitable. Some don’t have the capacity within themselves to be there for others besides themselves. Some are just incapable of looking beyond their own walls because they’re too busy tending to the mess they’ve created in their own garden.

Lucky for us, God has blessed us all with family; unlucky for some we weren’t able to choose them. They are the roots of our growth, without them, we would fall. They keep us grounded as well as support us without holding receipts for all the things they’ve done for you nor do they expect anything back in return.

I am fortunate to have my family, and friends who have travelled through all the realms of darkness with me, I too consider them family.

“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. Life is already filled with those who want to bring you down” – Oprah Winfrey

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Like the sea, you can never expect life to be a smooth sail, with only raising waves and none that come crashing down. You will have days that feel as though they’ve been sprayed by a magical FeBreze; these days will feel wonderful. Then you’ll have days you where you won’t want to come out of the darkest corner of your room.

Life isn’t perfect, but life is good. The goal shouldn’t ever be to have a perfect life, the goal should be to have a life filled with so many imperfect times they make up for the perfect life. Every day is a gift, you can never let the bitterness of life’s lessons steal you of your sweetness. Learn from your setbacks. If you want to see a change in your reality, change your thoughts.

“Your mindset is your most powerful tool, sharpen it!” – Nazrin Miah

What are some of the lessons you’ve had to learn from life? Comment below with your own experiences, I’d love to read them ALL!

Love, Always

Nm♡

P.S. They say remembering someone in your prayers is the sincerest gift you can ever give anyone. Send me an abundance of gifts by remembering me in your prayers ladies and gents, as I hope to do the same for you all.

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to keep up to date with little old me! 

43 Comments Add yours

  1. All these are good reminders for us all, and keep applying it first for ourselves and when holds true share without gain you never know what happens next.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I definitely learned over the past few months/years that asking for help is ok. Before I was scared to ask for help, scared to appear weak, but I’ve learned that that fear is irrational.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hannah says:

    I will keep you in my prayers! We all struggle with different things at different seasons in our lives and for me prayer and writing have always gotten me through as well as having some close friends or family members to talk to.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this. Every blessing is a lesson, every lesson is a blessing. One can only start learning once they stop complaining!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are a wonderful writer! I totally agree, thanks for sharing your heart. I’m glad I found your blog! – Jill

    Liked by 1 person

  6. steph says:

    wow great post! The biggest growth in my life has come from learning through the hard times. It awakens the truth deep inside. You can either continue on living the way you are or grab life by the horns and embrace the truth. It seems you have done that and you will be stronger for it for sure! cheers to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Robin Masshole Mommy says:

    So many people are quick to blame others for their own shortcomings – whether it’s in the workplace or elsewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “You are the hero of your world, not the victim” I absolutely LOVE that sentiment. Thank you! I needed that today.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Julie Mason says:

    I was drawn to your first point. Change is important. You need to realize that only you can get yourself out of a circumstance you find yourself in. Even if the change is just in your mindset it is a step in the right direction.

    Like

  10. Tamara Mason says:

    Ahh yes change we must. But we choose how we change. Thanks for the reminders on how to make change productive.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Love these tips! I really try to remember in the times of pain that it is there to help me grow and it always does!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I love this post! These are all such fantastic reminders. I truly believe mindset is 75% of the battle when you’re going through tough times. If you can focus on the positive — even during your worst times — and surround yourself with a good support system, then you will persevere! You’ve provided some excellent tips and advice. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
    xoxo, erin | sandsunandmessybuns.com

    Liked by 1 person

  13. jenny says:

    very insightful post- great tips!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Such a great post! I have been struggling to maintain a positive mindset during tough times. This post gives me inspiration to try harder!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. When hard times hit, I am always so much more grateful! Love this post, great reminder!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Lauren says:

    I’m sorry to hear you have been in a rough season of life. Though I must say you shared so much wisdom in this post! Thanks for sharing your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Love the brimming positivity! Amazing reminder on gratitude, abundance and looking at the brighter side of life 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Anonymous says:

    Pain does help us grow. We cant see that until we work through it though

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Lacey says:

    This is so true! You always shift the gears in your life and have control of the wheel! It’s just acknowledging that! If you have a bad day… take ownership of the why and focus on the how to make it better next time! This was great! Thank you!

    Lacey
    http://www.theglittergospelblog.com

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Amber says:

    This is a great post. I have learned to ask for help. It helps!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I really appreciate this and completely agree with each of your lessons! I am in the midst of learning many of those lessons right now. I love how you go through the trial and then write about it. For me, it is most healing for me to write about while I am going through the trial. It’s interesting how we each process and heal differently!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Such a great post! Hard times are always teaching us something.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I love your writing style and would have to agree with all of these tips. For me, asking for help is the hardest but your true friends will want to know what they can do for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. planningthemagic says:

    This post is amazing. Pain brings relief right?

    Like

  25. Lauren White says:

    This was beautifully written — I’ve had some difficult times the past six months and everything you’ve said is such great advice!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. breharne says:

    I find it so hard to ask for help, it’s equally hard for me to recognise when I actually need help.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Elizabeth O. says:

    What I appreciate when we go through a difficult time is the fact that there are always lessons to be learned during and after the ordeal. I think these are spot on. After the experience we become much improved version of ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Life is a series of ups and downs. If you let your friends and family in they will usually help you and in turn you can help them.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Jenny says:

    I love this!!! It is sad how much we push things off on other people instead of accepting responsibility for things.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. lastchance3 says:

    I have to say that one of the lessons I’ve learned during hard times is who the people I can depend on are. It’s one of the most important and wonderful things to learn but can also be painful.

    Like

  31. From the first paragraph up to the closing of your article is a treasured one. The reality, the motivating words, the lessons and the emotion you have put in are what made your writings interesting and gives me enough courage to see things positively in spite of skeptical things that comes up in life. Thank you so much for being a blessing to us, you are appreciated.

    Like

  32. There are lessons in life that are learned best or only through pain. But pain because of difficulties can bring out something good in us… that is if we are open to turning our tests into testimonies or our mess into our message. I personally grew after going through my personal battles. I’m thankful that they were a part of my life.

    Like

  33. Ashley Voicu says:

    I used to quit on things that are diffucult for me. But i have learned how to fight it and use to improve myself

    Like

  34. tami says:

    I love this post, these are some really helpful tips! Especially being grateful – gratitude can really help you in so many ways. Great post! 🙂

    Like

  35. Shumaila says:

    I cant agree more with the first point. Will remember you in my prayers. When I am faced with a tough time, I remind myself – this too shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Kerry Brooks says:

    Beautifully written and wonderful advice … this is much the same advice that I give to people through my Facebook page. Thank you for sending this to me and I will be sharing it on my page with love! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  37. salmadinani says:

    I hope your tough times get better soon. And yes, this is something I deal with too, these are great points and ideas.

    Like

  38. Naeem says:

    Amazing read ! Keep it up missy !!!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. zayeneesha says:

    look beyond your own walls and be of use to someone that isn’t you. The world will bring you back the same relief. Give, and watch it come back to you in another form…
    Beautifully put ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. NM says:

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Like

  40. It is true , we are in total control of how to chose to react to every life situation. It may not be perfect, sure beats staying in a rut. Good post.

    Like

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