This is a reminder to myself first before it is a reminder to you.
Self love matters.
Self love is important.
Self love is your key to happiness.
There are those who take the term self love as bubbling away in a bubble bath with a mask on, eating chocolate & treating yourself to a cheeky pedicure. No honey. There is so much more to self love.
Do you realise how much of yourself you actually give away to other people? What lengths you go to keep others happy? How many times have you neglect your own needs over others? How often do you give away your power and your responsibility to your own happiness?
Have you ever stepped back to look at how much of yourself is a field for others to plough their needs and wants onto?
When you invest your every waking hour to another person, you leave yourself nothing. You abandon yourself & you abandon your needs to fulfill others.
People will let you down. They will disappoint you & there will be times when they won’t be there when you need them the most. You will be there though.
You will be there when your world comes crashing down.
You will be there when your insides are crippling you with pain.
You will be there when you feel like nobody is on your side.
You will be there to pick up the pieces.
You will be there to heal yourself.
You will be there to be your own best friend.
Instead of relying on others to lift your spirits when you are broken we need to rely on ourselves.
Today I have come to you with a guide on self love!
Lets get the ball rolling…….
My mind is a constant tornado of my thoughts, my judgments, my opinions, and my emotions. Sometimes I feel one side of head throbbing from thinking too much. No matter what I do I always find my mind in overdrive & I am glad to have found a way to splatter my thoughts onto paper. My older sister gifted me a journal for my 22nd birthday and I have been filling the journal with drawings, scrap art & my thoughts. She has continued to gift me a journal every single year for me to fill & I am proud to now have three journals full to the brim of a visual documentation of my thoughts. It is the best from of therapy for me as I don’t have to hide from my own emotions, I don’t have to pretend to think a certain way, I can spill my ugliest emotions without any fear and close the book ready for the next day. It really help me to increase awareness and insight. It promotes change and growth, and helps to further develop my sense of self. I am able to make note of my goals, as a reminder of something I am working towards. Often times I am relieved of tension and I am bought clarity on any issues I face.
For the longest of time I have wanted to start swimming. My sisters and my friends have heard me go on about wanting to join the local leisure centre to start swimming for YEARS. Growing up, I watched my mum go for a swim for a couple of hours every Saturday and couldn’t stress enough how therapeutic it was for her. I always have an image of her gliding from one end of the pool to the other, lap after lap without stopping until she left the pool with a face full of adrenaline. I always thought of the swimming baths as my mums happy place away from the chaos of her family, away from her wifely and motherly duties, away from her responsibility, she was able to dive into the pool and swim her troubles away. That’s probably why I have always wanted that for myself too. So I am happy to let you know I have joined the local leisure centre and I am now two weeks into swimming consistently! When I am having a really horrible day at work & I genuinely feel like crap then I crave the pool. I want to be in the pool swimming through the water feeling the ripples of waves through my fingers. Starting swimming has honestly been the best thing I have ever done for myself. I can’t describe to you the amazing feeling it gives me.
There are 101 ways you can invest in yourself – I’ll save this for another blog post! I however, invest in myself by investing into my creativity. I can’t stress how much I value creativity enough. Especially what it can do to make me feel more creative and how it helps me overcome the blocks in my road. It helps to clear my mind & allows me to feel more present in the moment. I do this by writing poetry and keeping an art journal/scrapbook. I religiously use pinterest and instagram for inspiration and I can spend hours going through other artists work & reading through other writers poems. Once I am struck with inspiration I can zone out from the real for hours on end before I have created my art on a blank piece of paper. Investing doesn’t have to always mean money. Investing is also time, energy or focus. With a full time job, my blogging, socializing and now my new favourite swimming, squeezing in time for my creativity is becoming harder and harder. Every day I tell myself I am going to do at least one page just to unburden my thoughts. It is really up to me to invest the right energy, the right time and the right focus on my creativity. I honestly feel so much more energised when I complete a piece of art work & look at it with pride. It makes me feel amazing.
I have been feeling very spontaneous lately. I am hungry for inspiration and I am constantly on the hunt for it. I scout the internet for events and festivals that I can attend to keep my creative juices running. I have recently taken a keen interest in going to poetry slams and live poetry events. The first one I went to was in Birmingham & I was completely blown away. I was anxious and to be honest a little shy about going in and standing there but as soon as I did I was warmly welcomed and felt right at home. I have also joined the local writing group to help my writing skills. I am meeting new people and if you don’t know me personally then you will know how much of a massive thing this is for me because I love being a home bird. I am not the best person at socializing unless I totally HAVE to. Going out of my comfort zone & going on little adventures by myself give me a sense of achievement and that makes me feel really happy about myself.
I have a huge passion for writing & I want improve on my writing skills so much. As well as reading books I don’t usually pick up & reading poetry written by poets I have never heard of I want to be around people who have the same passion as me. I researched local writing groups in my area and I got in touch with a woman who runs a writing group near to my house. She got back in touch and said she would love to welcome me into the group & that she was looking forward to seeing me at the next group meeting! I am checking off every avenue I can to blossom my passion and I urge everyone to do the same so that you can never turn around one day and say to yourself you wish you had given yourself that chance. I want to say yes to everything. I want to try everything. I want to experience it all & I never want to say that I didn’t try absolutely everything for the one thing that I truly love. Writing.
I love flowers but I never really get any given to me unless its my birthday or I’ve achieved something. We had a lovely student working in our offices over the summer and she said something that really struck a cord with me. She said she was going to start buying herself flowers every week because just because she can. I thought this was brilliant, I thought this would be a good idea for myself. Instead of expecting it off others I should go and buy myself flowers to show how much I appreciate myself. I already leave a budget of at least £100 a month to spend on just me. Whether that be clothes, art crafts for my scrapbook, stationary supplies for my poetry, things I need for my blog this goes out of the £100 I leave for myself. Shopping gives a sense of happiness but receiving flowers gives me a sense of appreciation. After buying myself flowers, I’ll display them in my room as a reminder of the lengths I’ll go to make myself feel good.
I work in sales & I have to meet with clients & applicants from all over the world on a daily basis. I have appointments & meetings & like to look my best at all times. When I have a dark cloud over my head its really hard getting out of my bed and putting a mask on to pretend I am ok. But I do it anyway. Why? Because when I look good, I feel good. When I look like I am dripping in millions in my primark gear, I feel like I am worth the millions. I stomp on the pavements like I own them, I drive my 1 litre polo around the city as though I am sitting in the most expensive Bugatti. When I look at myself in the mirror looking absolute FIRE I instantly feel like I can take on the world. How do you feel when you put on a dress and it hugs your body as though it was made just for you? Don’t you feel amazing? I definitely feel amazing.
Your friends and your family will always know you better than anyone else in this world. Bask in their good company and allow them to make you feel amazing about yourself. They will know what makes you tick, they will know what makes you happy, they will know how to take your mind of things that are clouding your days with darkness. You friends are you family are your anchor when you are sinking. Sometimes I don’t want to talk, other times I want to be tortured by my thoughts, and most times I feel like the entire world is against me. There are time where it takes more of my energy trying to explain why I feel the way I do. Then there are other time where I convince myself I can’t talk to the people in my life because they don’t care. I talk myself into believe that I am burdening them with my troubles and its easier if I keep it to myself. Its easy for me to push them away and keep myself to myself but I am lucky, I mean I am really lucky to be surrounded by people that are able to read my needs through my silence. The heaviness of my silence can be heard. I am constantly reassured and made to feel good. I swear, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my family and my friends. I will forever be grateful for the phenomenal people in my life.
I am my biggest enemy and my mind is my biggest battlefield. All of my conflicts reside in my mind and I am the only person that fuels them by giving into them. I am learning to treat myself with more kindness just so that I can accept kindness from others too. I am usually the hardest on my self so this step in the guide is probably the hardest step for me. I know that the more kindness I show myself the lighter I’ll feel. My self-esteem and my sense of deserving good things in life will go up as a direct result. I must learn to tame my inner critic & to release my inner lover. I am the first person to call out my own failures, pick at my own flaws and tell myself I am not enough. Instead, I need to lift my own spirits and defend myself. I need to fight my own corner & credit myself for everything I go through. I need to be my own best friend because it all started with me and it will all end with me too.
There are 101 one things that we can’t control in our lives and at the same time there are 101 things that we can control in our lives. Yes, we’re unable to control the way others treat us, we’re unable to control the way others understand us, we are unable to control the way others feel about us, what we can control is how we do all those things for ourselves. We should be able to love ourselves so much to such an extent that if we are treated any less than what we deserve we are able to recognize it and choose to let it go. If you choose to hold onto all the things you’re unable to control you’ll only drive yourself to insanity. You will rob yourself of peace and joy because things will NOT go the way you want them to, the way you plan them to, then way you wish for them to go, simply because you CANNOT control them. Save yourself a whole lot of misery by choosing not to worry over the things that are out of your control. Let it go. You decide who you want to share your company with, you decide who you want to socialize with, you decide what gives you happiness. You will never be able to control the things that happen to you but you can always control your response. Most of your stress will come from your response and the way you think, not because of life. Change your attitude and your life will change itself. The answer will always lie with you.
Let me know what you do to help love yourself more!