7 Deadly Sins Of A Relationship
I have really missed sitting down with my notepad and pen & buckling up my ideas so I can write a serious post for you. I have dipped my toe into the world of lifestyle blogging and since doing so I have been writing up a lot different styled posts. Giving you my two cents worth of advise is where my heart will always find home. So today, I have come to you with a brand new post on my favorite subject: LOVE!
The biggest sin in the NmDiaries handbook of love is cheating. The ultimate sin. The unforgivable act. To understand why I consider it a sin you have to understand the severity of cheating and what that level of unfaithfulness can do to a person. It is the greatest act of betrayal. If you are not happy in your relationship then you should leave it. Don’t be that person who only thinks of themselves. Don’t be selfish. By cheating, you are not only damaging your relationship to its death, you are also damaging the core of the person you are cheating on. Once this is done you can’t go back from it and you will only open up a bigger can of worms for yourself by staying with the person who is cheating on you. You will suffer with trust issues, your self esteem will be damaged and you will be on an emotional roller-coaster until you a fully healed from the scars that were left from the cheating, you will blame yourself for it or even begin to hate the person you once shared so many beautiful memories with. The effects of cheating can last for the rest of someone’s life. DO not be the person responsible for causing that much damage to a person you love and care about. Don’t cause so much pain to your partner that they would need to physically rip you out of their soul and force them to move on in life without you.
Resentment is the bitter annoyance and anger you feel when you’re treated unfairly or in a way that is unjust. It is the poison that you start drinking in small doses. Before you know it, your relationship is dead. It starts by ignoring the big and small issues in your relationship. When you aren’t attending to these issues they ultimately become unresolved issues. Resentment starts to pile up on top of all these unsettled issues and starts to eat away at all the goodness of your relationship. It is completely toxic to our relationships. You need to be able to bring up the issues your facing in your relationship. It is up to you to be able to address these issues, ignoring them will not magically make them disappear. You need a partner who is willing to listen to what you have to say and work through the issues with you. I can’t stress the importance of communicating you distresses, your concerns, and most importantly the things that they do that upset to you with your partner. You have to bring these things to the surface as if you don’t you’ll inadvertently do your relationship a huge disservice as you’ll push your partner away to such a point they’ll begin to feel like a stranger and you will suffer from accumulated resentment bubbling away in your heart. What I am trying to say is don’t neglect to bring up the things that disturb the peace between to of you. Don’t pretend the issues aren’t there because they will not go away. Instead they’ll dig deep into the roots of your relationship and begin to pollute the very foundations that your relationship is built on.
Criticism is destructive. It is destructive to the mind, it is destructive to the body, it is destructive to the soul. Let’s not get things twisted. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. While critiques and complaints tend to be about specific issues whereas criticism has to do with attacking your partners character and who they are as a person. As Ocasr Wilde puts it, “Criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography” It tells you more about the psychology of the criticizer than the people they criticize. You do not have a license to criticize your partner. The more you get closer to someone the more the flaws will come to light as they begin to feel more and more comfortable with you. This shows growth in your relationship. Do not suppress this growth by poisoning it with your criticism. Don’t let your patience thin overtime. Constant criticism can drain a lot out of a person & the results of constant criticism is of course the death of your relationship. Your partner will eventually crawl under a shell of self-protection & will most likely develop a intensely defensive personality. They will distance themselves from you, they will find comfort in work, friends, family, books, films, socializing rather than to spend time with someone who constantly drains the goodness out of their soul. Most importantly constant criticism has a direct impact on your partners feelings and emotions. You can drive them into hating themselves. You can drive them into believing the toxic you spew at them. You can drive them into self abuse. Don’t be that monster.
Lost communication is a silent murderer. It is a slow and painful killer. It happens gradually overtime, right under our noses. Because we let it. We either get so consumed in our own lives, our own routines, our own goals and challenges, we forget that our relationships need work too. We need to invest in our relationship just as much as we invest in our clients, or the customers we serve at work. We must invest the same level of energy into our relationships like we do our careers. The roots of your relationship depend on communication. You can’t expect to grow together as a couple if you aren’t watering your roots! Keeping the communication going between you and your partner strengthens the trust between you, strengthens the level of honesty as well as strengthens the level of respect between the two of you. You should be able to talk to you partner comfortably about anything. Do not bottle up your emotions or keep the ugly feelings to yourself. Talk about it, make it known, make it heard. You can only get over one hurdle by speaking over it so you can move onto the next one! If you don’t speak over the issues that affecting your relationship you will only create distance between yourselves and create unnecessary misunderstanding which can all be avoided by just SPEAKING about the problem. Seriously guys. Just talk!
We are all running the race of life. We are all consumed with our education, with our careers, with our goals and ambitions. We very rarely take a break and look back at how much of ourselves we really give away to the world. How much of ourselves do we give away to the people we love and care about? I’m not saying we need to spend 24 hours of 7 days with the person we’re in a relationship. I am not saying you need to be on the phone for 48 hours without any breaks. I am not asking you to stitch your sides to your partners hips. It has never been about the quantity of time you spend with your partner, it is always about the quality of time you spend with them. The aim of the game is to always keep the connection in tact. Life is moving faster than we’d like and we very rarely have time to give ourselves. Can you imagine how important and relevant you can make someone feel by giving them your time of day. A phone call, a text, a cheeky face time call. Keep your partners in your day, make them feel involved, make them feel relevant. Time is so valuable. You can’t ever get it back so make use of it while it is with you. It will help foster a great sense of togetherness. By prioritizing time together you are signaling to each other the importance of your relationship.
We have all dreamt up the perfect partner for ourselves. We have ripped out parts from our favorite characters from our favorite books and our favorite movies and we’ve molded them into one to create the perfect person for us. Funnily enough this person does not exist. The person we fantasize being with is not real and therefore the expectations that this imaginary perfect partner sets for the real people of this world are not real too. We have to remember our partners are human beings just like we are. They can do just as much as we can. They aren’t a super hero they don’t have super human powers, they are human. We are all drowning in a sea of information we find on our Tv’s, in our books and worst of all the Internet. The Internet is the devil and we have to remind ourselves that people only put the highlights of their life on their social media. We only see two seconds of their life and we don’t know what happens behind closed doors. Do not compare your relationship to the perfect and pristine relationship you see online, in books and on your TV screen. Make your own love story, have your own adventures, create your own memories. No two people are the same just as no two relationship is the same! Do things YOUR way!
I consider affection as being the very glue that holds people together. This doesn’t have to always be physical affection. Affection can be felt mentally too. Physical affection doesn’t have to always mean sex either. Back rubs, holding hands, shoulder & neck massages, foot rubs, kissing and hugging can all be seen as being affectionate towards your partner. Being fond of your partner and treating them tenderly is affection. Showing your partner affection is a vital part of a loving relationship; it is the verbal and physical expression of love. When you fall prey to affection complacency. This where you simply stop making an effort to communicate your positive and loving feelings. Every relationship foes through its peaks and valleys, but relationships that suffer from affection deficits become lifeless over time. It slowly burns through the bridge that joins you and your partner. Don’t create such a distance between you and partner that you can sitting next to each other but feel miles apart. Wanting affection, affirmation and attention from your partner does not make you clingy nor does it make you psychotic. It is a basic need and if you feel you are lacking it voice it up with you partner so they know where they are going wrong. This shouldn’t be a burden or a task for you, and if it is, then you need to re-evaluate your entire relationship.